Many events remind us of the temporary nature of the earthly life and of that inevitable end – Death. It will come when it will come! In spite of that awareness, death brings in its wake, grief and sadness. The intensity of the trauma will vary with the circumstances. Events such as earthquakes, floods and hurricanes occurring in distant lands and in no way affecting the lives of our relatives or friends, bring out the sympathy of human beings for the suffering of others; Our thoughts, our prayers and sympathies then go out to those affected.
We think of the families left behind who may have lost parents, children, relatives or friends. We can then recognize their grief and pain from our own experiences of life. Most of us have had the sad experience of losing loved ones.
Every person’s loss of a loved one, by way of death, has its distinctive effects. Some bereaved persons become broken physically, emotionally and spiritually. As time goes by and the healing process, however slow continues, there emerges a satisfying and rewarding feeling that we survived that trauma.
In looking back with humility, gratitude and praise to Almighty God, we recognize that we were sustained primarily through God’s intervention in response to our prayers.
Three years ago, on the 20th February 2007, my brother Oscar passed away. It was another loss for me, having before witnessed the burial of my father, mother, a sister and another brother, nephews and friends.
Those periods are difficult when one suppresses emotions, faces the world with hope and attempts to behave in a manner which strengthens and comforts not only the immediate family, but illustrates to others who would invariably have similar experiences – the need to be strong and have Christ, the good Shepherd, lead us on.
Amidst that period of sadness, relatives, friends and associates provide support, sympathy and compassion. We gain both physical and spiritual strength. But we know not what tomorrow brings.
On the 4th March 2007, my son Hank, having flown in from Canada to assist me in difficult times, returned to Canada. On the 6th he complained of feeling unwell and died on the 7th March. This was the most grievous wound of them all. At first there was disbelief. I do remember the word of the Lord: Psalm 71:20-21 states:
“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.”
Most persons experience the loss of loved ones and as they look back, know that through faith in Almighty God and our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are sustained.; Blessed is the name of the Lord!
I came across a booklet captioned “How Can I Live With My Loss?” For the benefit of others and for my own benefit, I highlight aspects of approaches to be adopted:
How does loss affect us? – Loss often brings a pain that cannot be ignored. It often brings us face to face with ourselves, with our enemy, and with our Lord.
Loss exposes our vulnerability – death is the ‘father of all losses’ that will not be hushed; It demands to be reckoned with; Personal, painful loss forces a door open into the deep parts of our soul, exposing that which we’d just as soon not admit exists, let alone face.
Grief is a universal, complex, and painful process of dealing with and adjusting to loss. Even animals have been known to grieve the loss of a mate or master. It is a normal and unavoidable part of life. In God’s invitation to live and enjoy relationships with others, we are also invited to grieve their loss.
The process of grieving is far from orderly. There will be much overlap. Don’t be alarmed. Expect it.
What cannot be lost – in the initial stages of mourning, rational explanations are usually worthless. The soul is in too much pain to think rationally. As believers in Christ face their loss, it helps them to remember what they cannot lose – God’s understanding.
Let yourself feel the loss – Christians sometimes have the idea that grieving over loss shows a lack of faith. That simply isn’t true. The difference between us and those who don’t know Christ, however, is that we do not “sorrow as others who have no hope”.
There are many advantages to being a Christian, but the absence of pain is not one of them.
The apostle Paul identified those who have been comforted by God as the ones who are qualified to comfort others.
Grief reminds us that this world is not our home; that we are just passing through.
Let us enjoy living today, but be prepared for that inevitable end!
